Though I’m home from my residency, I need a little time to process what an amazing experience I had. In the meantime, here’s the piece that I read for the Literature Salon.
I have a confession to make—I was terrified to be here, terrified in the way that only people who tie their self-identity to their work can be. I came late in life to writing and am terrifically insecure about it. Compounding this is the fact that in the world of words, Romance writers are frequently sneered at, and erotic romance authors…well, you can just imagine the comments we receive online. Even worse, my muse is a snarky bitch who gives abundantly and at the same time whispers, “You are not enough.”
But I think you all understand on some level.
And if I am honest, I think that the fact that I am the only person who just writes added to my anxiety. I’d be a thorn among roses, if you will. Because if you could see through my eyes and witness what amazing talent you all have, you’d be anxious, too. Even though I know we present our best selves on social media, damn, y’all are ah-mazing. And that’s before I got to see you in real life.
And yet…
And yet here, close to the end of what surely must be a dream, I know so much more. I was horribly, horribly wrong to be afraid. From the moment I (finally) caught up with Maggie at that wretched Charles de Gaulle airport, I have felt home, at peace, despite the best efforts of French motorcyclists. My biggest disappointment is that I have no way to share with you all that I do here every day…aside from drink wine and stare moodily out the window.
Every person in this chateau—with perhaps the exception of Dusty—has become a dear friend. Not the water cooler, see you at work, invite to the office Christmas party type of friend, but the Christmas card, miss your face, want to bounce ideas off of you kind of friend. The kind of person I can weep over writing frustrations with and collaborate with and feel only joy at your success with.
There has been great food, great wine, and even greater connection. There has been laughter, lethargy (admit it. We’ve all had our days, but that’s okay.), and such intense creativity.
In life we have our born families and our chosen families and mine has grown by more than a score. How fantastic is that?
And never once, not for a moment, have I felt out of place. Stepping back, I have to wonder what kind of alchemy can bring a diverse group of people together and somehow create a freaking family?
Ziggy can, and Beulah, of course.
To paraphrase the teens I’ve known, compared to Ziggy and company, Disney don’t know shit. Magic Kingdom? Ha. Try the Chateau d’Orquevaux.
D.S.Dehel 