Smoke and Mirrors

Happy Thursday! I have another memoir for you today.

BLURB:

Searching for an answer to a question you haven’t asked yet? You are not alone. One small realization and a whole world unravels.

Woven through these pages are a series of my most significant life events relating to narcissistic victim/survivor syndrome. Inside are keys unlocking mysteries of complex PTSD, compounded through various forms of abuse.

A journey of highs, like the Freedom Convoy, and the lows of a failed longtime marriage. With spiritual forces at work behind the scenes, could a Christian home have so many secrets? The smoke will clear to reveal our true mirrored self.

EXCERPT:

I was paralyzed, not just by fear but by dread and over exhaustion. It felt as though given the opportunity I could sleep for days, yet struggled to find rest. I relied on prescribed meds, and the morning was showing the outcome of dependence. Irish cream was a favorite to put in my first cups of coffee for added motivation. As nice as this hotel was, there was no minibar to ease the angst.

I was immobilized, unable to move, begging God to take me. How can I do this? How can I manage the full brunt of this day without any of the vices that helped me survive for some time?

I turned on the TV, made some hotel room coffee and laid there motionless, praying for the Lord to take me home. A text came in from my office manager, Sharon, a reserved woman who I had a sincere bond with. She encouraged me daily, and I valued her advice.

“Hey girlie, how are you doing over there?”

My response was as she suspected. She knew how hard the meetings were for me. She was my closest confidant, a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Such a blessing to me, she was gifted with an ear to listen, non-judgmental and caring. She loved me and I loved her right back.

I told her about forgetting my pills and couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t do anything. Her response was comforting. She said, “Then don’t, don’t go. Do what you need to do. Take care of yourself and don’t worry about the rest.” Her approval in this seemed to sooth my soul. She made me self-aware that I DID have the power to not go if I didn’t want to. I could just say I wasn’t feeling well, but something inside me won’t give up. I can’t give in to negative, intrusive thoughts just waiting for my demise.

GIVEAWAY INFORMATION

Joanie Olson will be awarding a $10 Amazon/BN gift card to a randomly drawn winner. You can enter here.

And be sure to visit the other stops on this tour for more chances to win.